Jeni Decker and Kat Nove on blogtalkradio
The ladies were interviewed recently and here is your link to that uproarious conversation: EdinRoad talks to the authors.
Confederacy of Dunces – by Jeni Decker
I cringe when I imagine what the world at large thinks of the line-up of Unusual Suspects vying to be President of the United States. It’s that same feeling I had every time George W. Bush came out to the podium to speak during his two terms in office. I wasn’t sure what gaffe he would commit next, how many times in one conversation he’d mispronounce the word ‘nuclear’ and on which foreign land he’d declare war next. I just knew that anything was possible and I spent eight years popping Tums.
He seemed, to me, a shelter puppy who’d suddenly found himself in a new home with lots of carpet to pee on; wide-eyed, shocked to be there, and ready to rip into a juicy bone. Good thing for him he had multiple puppet-masters like Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney – who clearly played the part of middle finger.
I’ve had to break out the chewable antacid pills again as I ponder the current crop of GOP contenders and consider the possibility that one of them could eventually become President of the United States.
Consider Rick Perry: from his disturbing and seemingly drunken, rambling speech in New Hampshire, to his debate performance in Michigan where he drew a blank while trying to name the third federal agency he would abolish if elected president. It was painful to watch. I felt sorry for the guy, but I’m sure pity isn’t the emotion he was going for. Just trying to imagine this guy in talks with foreign officials gives me heart palpitations.
Then there’s Herman Cain; the King of the ridiculous 9-9-9 plan that would assure the top 1% will continue to benefit while the rest of us 99%’ers would be pushed further to the bottom of the pile. Now the former pizza magnate and motivational speaker – who is backed by the strong arm of the Koch brothers and their Americans for Prosperity - is embroiled in a sexual harassment scandal. But despite the drip, drip, drip of accusers, Herman continues to operate from atop a pedestal of righteous indignation.
I’m going to skip right over Ron Paul and Rick Santorum because while Ron has that crazy Grandpappy vibe and I sort of enjoy him, Rick is so far to the right he’s almost invisible at this point. There’s no way in Hades either of these guys will get anywhere close to being the nominee and they both know it. It seems they’re just there for the free food in the many media green room pit-stops. Or perhaps they both enjoy hearing themselves speak.
I can think of no other reasonable explanation for them continuing to travel the country, flushing contributor dollars down the toilet by the fist-full. My suggestion to both of them is to throw in the towel and donate the rest of the cash in their coffers to their favorite charities. It would do far more good in the grand scheme of things.
Michelle Bachmann continually rails against entitlements and big government, but she and her family have benefited greatly from land subsidies and federal monies for her business. That is disingenuous at best… insidious at worst. And consider this statement: “Our nation needs to stop doing for people what they can and should do for themselves. Self reliance means, if anyone will not work, neither should he eat.”
I wonder what she’d say to one of her constituents who relies on food stamps as the only thing standing between him and starvation because he was laid off a year ago and cannot find a job in this economy. Ditto the other 13.9 million people like him, all trying to scoop water off the bow of the Titanic with soup spoons.
I further wonder why nobody has the cahones to publicly call her on this statement. At not one of these debates do the moderators seem intent on actually holding these debaters feet to the fire. Repeatedly, the GOP contenders are asked a question and repeatedly they do not answer that question, but circle around to their talking point of the day, which invariably begins with them waxing poetic about feeling our collective pain regarding the economic disaster and massive job loss, and ending with Obama’s failed policies being the cause of it all. No mention, of course, of how that pile of guano ended up on the President’s desk in the first place. Nor have any of them suggested that the GOP stranglehold via their Congressional amigos might have something to do with our inability to rectify the jobs situation.
Why are these debate moderators and media pundits not asking direct questions and demanding they get a direct answers? At this point the word debate has become a joke, along with most of the media coverage – and all one has to do to see that is spend a little time on Twitter, Facebook, and any number of social networking sites and blogs.
The general consensus: there is no debate going on. It’s a recurring sideshow-esque reality show featuring actors with virtually no accountability – and in some cases, no conscience.
But the sideshow continues…
Newt Gingrich and Mitt “Flip Flop” Romney appear to be the least problematic of the bunch, politically speaking, though neither of these men meet with anything other than tepid reactions from possible voters, pundits, and their own GOP party members. Probably because they’ve both been around long enough for everyone to have decided they’re not anyone’s first choice. Or even their second one… both in his own way like a document run through the photocopier one too many times; a tired image of what might have been… if only. And there are a lot of “if onlys” for both men.
Which brings me to my premise.
What I’ve outlined above is a collection of undesirable contenders no more able to successfully lead this nation than my albino frog, Humbert Humbert.
We must also take into account all of the forces behind the scenes: the Brothers Koch pulling the purse strings of Herman Cain as well as plunging their grubby paws into any political fight that serves them personally; Grover Norquist holding an entire governing body of lawmakers hostage due to a Tax Reform pledge penned and signed over a decade ago.
For heaven’s sake, Grover. I have a kid who’s gone from diapers to big boy undies and is almost out of elementary school in that amount time. Am I to assume that I shouldn’t adjust the particulars of his daily care and rearing based on the circumstances of today rather than ten years ago when he surfed out of my who-ha on a tidal wave of amniotic fluid and only required a clean nappy and a bottle milk to keep him content?
Cue the gaggle of Grand Ole’ Partiers like Mitch McConnell and his cronies, all bent on seeing our sitting president as a one-termer, and what we have is a recipe for a bilious stew of governmental gridlock; self-sustaining dysfunction with no end in sight.
But perhaps that’s the intent. At least from the perspective of the congressional GOP. Imagine, for a moment, if there was effectively no pesky POTUS to get in the way of the daily Senate and House shenanigans. Imagine a United States where the President was a puppet for Congress; a figurehead bought and paid for to do their bidding. A leader who was just ineffective enough to bow to every demand of whichever party held the most seats in Congress – a group of lawmakers who change the rules when it’s convenient for them; when it’s politically convenient and skirts around silly little issues like simple majority votes cast.
I don’t see anyone in the current line up of Republican contenders who, if President, would have the mettle to effectively do the job, or stones big enough to stand up to Congress when the need arose.
And I suspect that certain members of the House and Senate don’t either. Only to them, that’s a good thing.
Meanwhile, we, the American people are strapped to Fortuna’s wheel and can only hope she does not crush us beneath her spokes.
Occupy Wall Street
These days I’m feeling extremely proud to be an American. The 99% who have been screwed over and over again are finally standing up and speaking out. I’d love nothing better than get in the white trash Toyota featured in Waiting for Karl Rove, drive to New York and hang out with my co-author, Jeni Decker. Unfortunately, three weeks ago a man ran a red light, t-boned my car and it’s now residing in a junk yard. It makes me sad, but at least it was immortalized in the book. I got almost nothing from the insurance company, so I’m walking forever unless book sales pick up. But in these hard economic times, I can’t blame people for choosing to eat over buying the book.
I’d even love to take a leave of absence from my job and walk from Texas to New York to join the Occupy Wall Street protesters. Think of the possibilities for an observational satirist! The problem with that idea is there are too many dangers on the road – getting hit by a car, falling down a cliff, running out of Slim Jims, being added to a serial killer’s collection.
So for now, I will keep watching the rest of the 99% from afar and hope they realize how many of us who can’t be there are on their side.
Please take a moment to watch Jeni’s Occupy Wall Street video.
Now available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Click on the book cover and it won’t be long until you’ll be laughing!
America Needs to Explain Herself
We'll do you proud, America!
Premise: Two average Americans cross the country as rapidly as possible because one needs to get back home to her two autistic sons and the other needs to get back to babysitting her grandkids.
Two writers on a mission to discover as many real Americans as possible; average farmers in the Midwest; bar owners in New Orleans; kids whose parents came over illegally years ago and who now serve in the military; elderly native born Americans who only speak Spanish; gay advocates in San Francisco; football fans; opera lovers; rodeo clowns; Muslims; Jews; Atheists; mimes…
America needs to tell us why we’re all in this together.
If the “One Nation” tour bus is still on the road, we’ll catch up to that rolling behemoth and choke down their exhaust fumes as we tail (stalk) the Palins around the country. With a camera in hand we might get pics of Todd or Bristol or Sarah filling the gas tank. Fingers crossed!
In honor of Sarah Palin, we’ve dubbed it the “Blatant Self-Promo Hos Tour.” Please, won’t you send a poor retail worker and a tired mother of two autistic kids on a whistle-stop tour of America this summer?
Remember, we’ll only get as far as YOUR money takes us.
Amereeeca! You’ve got some splainin’ to do!
http://www.notsarahpac.com/index.html
PS: We’re happy to plaster our bodies and bus with your logos, so hop on over to the notSarahPAC website and click on the Sponsor Link!
Waiting for Karl Rove – Casturbate with us, people!
Casturbate, verb tense: The act of a writer procrastinating by obsessively wondering which actors will play them in the movie version of their book.
Jeni and Kat casturbated quite a bit while writing this book. (Save your shock and awe for the chapter when we almost get turned into a human centipede.) Kat considers Diane Lane to be her clone so that’s an obvious pick. Jeni is holding out for Kate Winslett. The Remote Control Terrorist demands a heterosexual Andy Dick play him. (Good luck with that!)
Obviously, Betty White, Kathy Griffin, Wolf Blitzer, the Clintons, Jon Stewart, Trey Parker, Matt Stone and Bill Maher will be playing themselves. Jason Statham gets two roles – Darth Maul, leader of the Devil’s Bone biker gang, and himself.
There are many more roles to be filled and the writers think you can help. Let’s all casturbate together and come up with actors to play some of the characters in Waiting for Karl Rove:
Dick Cheney
Glenn Beck
Junior Hillbilly
Rush Limbaugh
Dancing Queen
Keith Olbermann
Geraldo Rivera
Special Agent Lebowski
Ann Coulter
Michelle Malkin
Dimeatello & Nickelangelo
Bill O’Reilly
Sean Hannity
Little Prince
KARL ROVE
If you haven’t read the book yet, watch the book trailer for ideas on who to casturbate in the movie.
PS: Thanks so much for all of your e-mails and especially for those of you who have already ordered/read the book. You rock!
Politics as usual making you crazy? This book is cheap therapy!
Serious inquiries need only apply:
jlcallmejeni@aol.com
NOTE: Please put Waiting for Karl Rove–Agent Query in the subject line. Queries sent with attachments will not be opened (unless it’s a contract) and any e-mail sent without the above subject heading will be deleted unread.
Please allow 2-4 weeks for reply, as our offices are inundated with agents querying us. Patience is a virtue. No calls, FAX’s or singing telegrams will be accepted—unless the singing telegram in question involves a scantily clad male or large quantities of chocolate —in which case, contact us with the scheduled delivery time at: jlcallmejeni@aol.com )
Kat Nove & Jeni Decker
Waiting for Karl Rove
Tell us a joke
Tell us a joke, and if we use it in the sequel we will credit you handsomely in 7 point font.
